Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus.
Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said, “No L!”
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true….Comet cleans sinks!
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, “Look honey. It’s raining.” She, being the obstinate type, responded, “I don’t think so, dear. I think its snowing.” But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, “Let’s step outside and we’ll find out.” Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was, in fact, rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies,” I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”